The Both/And of Transformation ...

​“Change is inevitable, but transformation is by conscious choice.” – Heather Ash Amara

I’m in a season of big changes. In the last month and a half, I moved two of my four children to their next adventure, one son to Colorado State in Fort Collins, the other son to Northwestern University in Evanston. My oldest son has been adulting in Chicago for over a year now, so this was the first summer without a full family vacation. My youngest daughter is now the only one living at home (she misses the brothers). It’s a lot of change and that’s just my family change. In my business I’ve hired a new assistant (welcome Josie!) while facilitating National Women’s Impact Leadership Institute (NWILI), the leadership program Stephanie Shivar and I launched in February of this year, and I am continuing to grow my coaching and consulting practice. All this change has got me thinking about transition and transformation.

Transitions are ongoing, happening in almost every moment. They involve micro-decisions (is now the time to grab a bite to eat or stay the course with plowing through email or writing this blog post or is it time to take the dog for a walk or maybe even get the Wordle done 😀) and while it seems like they should be easy or at least get easier, I’ve found that’s not the case.

When my kids were young I actually dreaded transitions – my boys didn’t do them well. Even with all the warnings, structured requests, and ongoing cajoling (I read all the parenting books!), just getting them to the dinner table was difficult let alone getting them out of bed, dressed, out of the house, and to school on time. When I get honest with myself I realize that I don’t do transitions very well either. I try to fit one more thing in before taking a break – I’m running behind most of the time. Transition is change and it feels hard, irritating, and sometimes sad.
 
Transformation, on the other hand, is a word I love so much I named my business for it! It’s a word full of possibilities and I feel the freedom of it in my body. Transformation starts within me and grows and blossoms into something new. Transition seems like a “should, have, ought to” – "I have to …" (name whatever chore or action I don’t feel like doing). Transitions are foisted upon me by my circumstances and the rhythm of the day, whereas transformation is created through and with me.
 
And as much as I love the word and experience of transformation, it’s not easy. It’s change just as transition is change. So, I wonder, what’s the work here? Is it choosing transformation? Is it letting go and moving with all the changes? Is transformation really the process of letting go? So many questions. Here’s what I do know.
 
Transformation is a process – we don’t notice the little changes happening and suddenly it’s all new. It’s built on cellular change. Just as our perspective changes in bits and pieces so do our bodies. The average age of cells in our bodies is 7 to 10 years. Yet that’s invisible to us until it’s not. Transformation is running under the surface – we are constantly changing, different now than just before. Transformation is about being present and at choice. It’s about moving with not against. It’s about stepping into the river, getting wet, even getting swept into the current – feeling the force of it and moving with it. It’s about leaving behind what came before.
 
As Richard Rohr reminds us “Change is both new beginning and a loss. The word change normally refers to new beginnings. But the mystery of transformation more often happens not when something new begins, but when something old falls apart. The pain and chaos of something old falling apart invite the soul to listen at a deeper level, and sometimes force the soul to go to a new place. Most of us would never go to new places in any other way.”
 
We are transformed when we go to a “new place,” and this happens from the inside out. Transitions often happen without transformation, but transformation requires transition, it requires change. It’s how we grow and develop. It’s the both/and of loss and gain. Where are you at in your transformation? Are you stuck in the many decisions of transition? Let’s chat about how you can blossom from the inside out and step into transformation.