Our Stories Create Community

"We're wired for story. In a culture of scarcity and perfectionism, there's a surprisingly simple reason we want to own, integrate, and share our stories of struggle. We do this because we feel the most alive when we're connecting with others and being brave with our stories - it's in our biology." —Brene Brown

April has been a whirlwind, full of spring break, celebrations with extended family, the April National Women's Impact Leadership Institute (NWILI) session, the Society for Industrial and Organizational Psychology (SIOP) conference, and a weekend of knitting. So many experiences, so many connections each changing me and becoming part of who I am now. Throughout this busy month full of adventures, the key ingredient for me was the stories I heard and told along with the people who shared and listened. These stories create community, they are the threads that we gather and weave together. They become the fabric of who we are and who we are becoming.

Sharing my story is so simple and yet not always easy, especially when I consider sharing a story that didn't turn out quite "right" or may open me up to criticism. I have an old habit of confusing fitting in with belonging. And being disapproved of or criticized is a sure way for me to feel left out.

I work hard for approval because that means I fit in and I shy away from criticism, even when it's constructive because in my head that means I don't. When I reflect on my habit of trying to fit in, I wonder if it emerged from being an only child. Being connected socially felt essential; my home base was just me and my parents, and that didn’t seem very interesting or fun!  Despite this habit, I've learned (and continue to try to practice) that fitting in is NOT belonging; fitting in involves shaping myself and potentially twisting myself in knots to be liked by the group, whatever group that is. Belonging is about showing my authentic self, putting myself out there and being accepted for it. This is where the stories come in. One important way we put ourselves out there is by sharing our stories, by being seen and heard.
 
I've always loved stories, I especially love listening to others’ stories (both in real life and on screen or the pages). As for sharing mine, I wouldn't say I'm a storyteller, maybe more of a storyteller in training. I do see myself as a connector! Community is my true north, it's what I love to be part of and create. So it's an interesting conundrum for me. Connecting is who I am, it happens through storytelling AND storytelling opens me up to the possibility of being seen and not quite making the cut, it's vulnerable. Someone, maybe even you, might not get what I'm saying, they might have a different experience, and what does that mean for the community I'm creating? And yet, that's exactly the point, telling my story opens space for others to tell their stories and we get to explore where we come together and how we differ. Both are important and part of being in community. I'm not interested in being in a community of mini-me's, that sounds boring! Yet, being part of a community where others don't "get me" sounds intimidating or at least a little lonely.
 
Here's what I do know, the stories themselves are the connecting ties that form the community. They are the fascia of our collective whole body. It's the space in-between us where we share openly and fully that shapes and grows our community. And it's all in the vulnerability, the authenticity, that's what invites people into connection. At the SIOP conference this month I saw firsthand the power of stories in the panel discussion I participated in. I was lucky enough to be part of a group of very wise women sharing our experiences and journeys as women in the field of Industrial and Organizational (I/O) Psychology. We talked about how we started, the challenges we faced, how we integrate work and non-work, and how we define success. It was a joy to tell my stories and share my learnings with women (and some men too 😉) in my field who are embarking on their own journeys. And the feedback I got (which first of all, was amazingly gratifying) was all about authenticity. When I showed up fully as me, I invited those around me to do the same. And in that room towards the end of a long, sometimes intense conference, we created community through stories. This is the key, it's about the stories we share by both telling and listening. It's about connection! And you are invited to join, show up fully and tell your story. I can't wait to hear from you! Let's connect.